Lonely Nights

You’re sitting with a bunch of friends or family members; you talk and share some laughs and giggles over a meal or a snack. You feel the liveliness of your surrounding; you hear the different voices and tones, you also feel the motion that surrounds the place. Nope, you’re not alone. Not yet, at least...

Time passes. It starts to get late. People gradually surrender and leave. Finally, you are left alone. You just know that you will live a very long mind-numbingly lonely night. The worst thing is that you know as a fact that this will happen tomorrow and after that and the next week and the week that follows; just the way it happened last night and the night before for the past few years. I’m always the last person to sleep and sometimes I don’t sleep at all. This problem has been bothering me for years. I’ve tried everything. I read books, I wrote poems, I watched movies and TV shows, I download sleeping therapy audio pieces such as “Water Creations”… Still, I stay awake.

Some nights, I find myself begging people to stay on the phone with me till I have fallen asleep because the night sometimes seems to not reach to en end. It is scary. The wind seems to carry voices and whispers; your imagination then takes you to places you don’t want to go. The more you curse this solitude the lonelier you feel.

It’s not always bad. Sometimes, in fact, I can’t wait till everybody leaves and the night is all mine to own. There is something about the quiet of the night that feels magically soothing. Sometimes it feels like ultimate “peace”. However, it is ironic how this silence urges you to appreciate the lively persona of day-life if that makes any sense to you.

So you helplessly live the lonely hours. You take a walk inside your mind and you recall your past, analyze your present and try to imagine bits and pieces of your future. In this little journey you stumble, you tremble, you feel strong and sometimes weak, you smile and sometimes cry, you breathe smoothly and sometimes struggle to suck some oxygen into your lungs… and time just stops. Nothing else seems to exist but yourself. Everybody else is but a dead corpse. That is the freaky part.

Wait, there is a freakier part: somehow, you also die just like the rest. And just like them, with God’s will you also come back to life again in the morning.

Lonely nights do kill and they sure do set your imagination free to take you to places you don’t expect.

Tonight, my little brother is very sick. I’m taking care of him so I’m not totally alone. This reminds me of the Arabic saying: Ma9a2ebo 8awmin 3inda 8awmin fawa2ido. Poor Khalid. I do feel bad for him, don’t get me wrong haha.

Anna Bessonova

Anna Bessonova, one of my favorite gymnasts ever. She has a million magical performances. However, the one performance that, in my opinion, was the most enchanting is her entry in the Olympics 2004.
I remember I was in a hotel room deadly bored and freezing. Keeping myself warm under the cozy blanket I was watching the gymnastics back in 2004 and that’s when her turn came and I got so excited. Not only was I happy to see her perform but the song she chose is one of my favorite, as well. I mean come on, who doesn’t madly love “My All” by Mariah Carey.

Here’s the video for you to enjoy…

And oh, in 2005 she also performed for the Swan Lake Gala and I don’t think I need to talk about how amazing that piece of music is…. Let alone Bessonova’s marvelous performance.

This video is from the Swan Lake Gala:

Decision Making

Here’s how I look at it: To decide is to double click on a subject and just get into it, whereas to be reluctant is to right-click on it and rove around the options.

Yes, decision-making is not easy at all. But it doesn’t have to be a pain. A good decision-maker is not one who never makes a false decision. Not at all! A good decision maker is one who knows how to “never regret” their actions. Yet, most importantly they should “never show” their disappointment with their very own decision. People never know what tomorrow holds, and likewise, they never know what’s behind each and every door.

So, decision-making is like gambling of some sort, but is it? Not completely and here’s why:

Not all decisions are yours to make. Wherever you are and whatever you believe in, be you a child, an adult, a Muslim, a Jew, a teacher, an athlete, an actor, a writer or a dancer; there will always be a set of either or both written or non-written rules to which we all abide. If you’re smart, you would take a daring step approaching your goal through a decision you make which abides to the written and unwritten rules. But at the same time your decision has to smash all the other decisions around it and speaking from a marketing perspective, that’s the way to success and that’s the route leading to exclusivity.

Here is a smarter thought: Can you function in such way that complements and supplements others’ functions but still be so exclusive in your own frame of uniqueness?

So are all decisions directly yours to make? No! But can they indirectly be totally yours? Well, Let’s just say that your capability of completely being in control over the stirring wheels really depends on how smart you can be in driving.

If you were a sailboat.

I'm in love with this song.

Katie Melua is in deed amazing. All her songs are classy and deeply meaningful.

As to this song, something about the lyrics is just so special and intriguing.

XX enjoy XX

First Impression Vs Facade

For every person you meet for the first time, there is that first impression that carves itself into your mind. That, we all agree on! Now, very seldom do we ever think of what could happen once this impression changes. You see, this is when enemies become friends or when lovers strip their hearts and souls off all the emotions they once shared with their lovers. Yup, that’s when they put on the flags of indifference above their front doors!

Some wounds are of pleasure. Others are of real hurt and pain. It evokes pleasure when your emotions unexpectedly crash into satisfaction and glee after having been tricked into thinking otherwise. When two lovers tease each other this happens. If “he” teases “her” and tests her jealousy he’s hurting her at first (of course she doesn’t know he’s testing her). She gets angry and swears never to talk to him. Never to trust him. Never to even be nice. However, as soon as the masks of tricking and testing and teasing are taken off, they then drown into a deeper ocean of emotions before they even know it. This extra dose that fills you up after a particular struggle is “pleasure”. In a sense, it combines joy with appreciation.

However, real pain is built up and pinned into the very core of your heart when you feel so vulnerable and incapable of overcoming the “Emotion Attack”. This pain is the result of your reaction to the vast confusion in which you’re locked up. Over doing it is just not smart. You’re not necessarily victimizing nor are you victimized, but the circumstances were just put together to hurt you.

All these turbulences, they reshape that first impression you thought you hated or loved. And yet, we, as humans, cannot help but carve that first impression in our minds over and over again. Somehow, we then miss how things were… Worst of all, we miss how things could have been should nothing wrong had ever happened. But again, we wonder what could have happened should particular truths were unrevealed.

Yes, the first impression is what you remember first about a person. But sometimes, when it comes to particular people, that first impression could totally vanish. That person you met at first is not necessarily always the image you carry in your head. That image sometimes melts into the shape of a painful memory. Especially… if the first impression was perfect. Well, sometimes “perfect” is nothing but a façade covering a pile of crap. (sorry).

To ICE

This goes out to ICE.

Speaking for myself and also on behalf of the “GANG”:

I hope your stay in Dubai has been pleasant. I hope, as friends and family, we have been great to you and made you feel at home and most importantly, I hope all the memories you carry with you are unforgettably amazing.

This visit of yours in particular was different, thus making it hard for us to say goodbye. THE GANG and I will miss you so much… in fact, we are all missing you already.

You have always been a friend but I must say this friendship grew stronger with time. Like I said, now that you are in Bahrain and as you head back to France, you should always know that you have special friends in Dubai who will always be there for you in times of joy and sorrow.

Remember Los Angeles, M0re, Galler, “vogue” :P and all the fun we all had as a gang.
Remember the Indian dance me and Moe performed on that mountain?! Haha
Remember how you ordered chocolate Crepe for your SISTER the last time we all went to the movies?
Remember Pompidou
Remember “She’s too sexy”
Remember “those who must be tickled”
Remember “Miss 3aib”

Memories…

Oh well… They were good days.

Anyway… We are all waiting to hear “THE” amazing news. Best of luck.

Seriously… goodbyes are horrible.

I need a break

Okay...

Eid was not very bad... In fact it was alright.

Anyway let Eid aside... I am now dealing with something very weird... and I don't know where it's taking me. I hope things well...

So now...

I will be away for a while...

so

BrB... :)