Some Things Stay

You travel life step by step. And step by step, you move from one stage to another. And from one stage to another, you sometimes change. Sometimes you remain who you are and watch your surroundings eventually and gradually change. But something always stays.

Traveling through life sometimes seems literal. I can swear that some things are just left behind as I moved forward. Just like time, there is no going back. Unlike roads, there is not a single U-turn in this path. But something really just stays with you.

It is not sad. It only brings your sense of wonder to life. Out of no where you encounter a reminder which acts as what pushes blood through the veins of your thoughts. It tells you that SOMETHING stays despite everything you leave behind. It reminds you…

I was playing my iTunes when suddenly an old song played in my ears. It took me back to some days of my life… a place I used to be in… some concerns that used to torture my mind… a feeling of bitterness and disorientation which used to cloud over me. Yup, we do grow… but our feelings stay. They don’t stay the same, but us humans will always have feelings as life is filled with reminders.

- I still remember that rainy day and my yellow rain coat when I was 12 years old.
- I still remember a lot of people who might have forgotten me by now.
- I still remember some summers ago when I spent a number of days at my grandma’s. I am here now, but time and change united and succeeded in making it feel different today than how it did back then. But I remember how it was, how it felt.
- I still remember the scent of the paint on the walls of my pink room.
- I still remember the smell of the cherry wood cabinets in Mirdif. Sometimes I would open them and sniff that scent as I closed my eyes. There was something about that smell.
- I still remember the scent of basil that took over the entire garden back there.
- I still remember him… (Allah yer7ama)
- I still remember how I took care of my younger siblings when my parents traveled. I used to stay by my little brother when he felt too afraid to sleep. Where are they now? They’re all taller than I am and they’re never around.
- I still remember how “she” was… it seems like as I grow, the more she goes back to being a teenager. I can’t believe her.
- I still remember the nights of Coca Cola Light and the chocolate coated popcorn boxes. They were the nights of the carefree minds – Staying up all night watching movies knowing that we’re young and tomorrow won’t steal our youth away. I still do that, and I’m still young. But something is different. I’m no longer in that place.
….

The list goes on… and it doesn’t sadden me, it only teaches me that life is this huge playground where people spend days and months and years experimenting and being experimented on until they’re intelligent enough to proudly say they learnt something from their life.

As look back and forth, I notice that one thing has remained amazingly the same. My father. He’s still the strong wise him. He’s still an inspiring person who has really lived a life with all what life could give. Both good and bad. He lived 5 years of his youth in Lebanon during the civil war and saw a lot of miseries and had his life put on the edge a number of times. He lost his very close brother in a tragic accident, also when he was young. I can’t imagine how sad this is because I myself am very close to my siblings. And when my grandfather passed away I was amazed and stunned by how strong my father was, yet his eyes spoke of the sadness he hid inside. I salute my dad for who he is and I’m very proud of him for I never saw him crash, never saw him break and never saw him give up… no matter what.

Something tells me he sees a lot of him in me. Oh wait, he told me that himself.

Lost & Found Folder!

I was really just looking in the closet for a shirt! Really! And that’s when I accidentally saw something blue. So I thought to myself… “Could it be…?”
Then I shook my head and thought “naah, can’t be. I looked everywhere for a very long time. I can’t just simply find it in my closet lying just like that”. Again I thought “How do you know, you lazy person? Just check, what is it that you’d lose?”
So, I looked and checked… what do you know? YES IT WAS THE FOLDER I WAS LOOKING FOR!! I so desperately looked for it because it carried very special things that I have cherished for years and years and thus are worth more than mines of gold!

There are different special things in this folder. Pics, notes we used to pass in class in high school…etc.
But here’s one of the things inside this folder. ;) My report card of when I was in 1st grade. I also have report cards of almost all stages of my school life but this one is just so special.

Here… check the picture and click on it for full view and see if you can read what the teachers wrote about me. I remember these teachers very well.

To suddenly, and out of no where, come face to face with such deep memory really makes it hard to hold back a never-fading smile. I smiled for a long time just staring at every word.

Memories… yes, memories are a cancerian’s weakness sometimes. I can hold on to memories and never let go. How could one live without their memories. To me, memories both good and bad are and will always be a vital element throughout my entire life. Why? Because it’s the memories that show me how well I did in life and how much achievements I have come across. True, sometimes they show me how I screwed up at some point. But should I mourn and drown in regret? Never! I shall smile knowing I came through it all as the wonderful person I am today. Yes, I am wonderful and I love me :P

CBOX: NOW OPEN @ CANC3RIAN's

Ok So I have a Cbox now... recently i've been thinking of having one but I've been so lazy and I keep pushing the thought away. yes out of laziness. Such a bad trait in me i must admit.

well.. FINALLY Palo Girl told me I should have one in my blog. So I told myself YEAH I SHOULD!! And Palo Girl was the CALL I had to hear.

LOL... thanks Palo ;)

So yalla people give me your MABROOOKs and start bugging me!! lol

Wanted in Oman

Hello friends, co-workers and fellow bloggers!



In a few hours I'll leave to Oman... The embassy called and asked that I must be there as soon as possible due to an article I have written online about Oman. It was a horrible article and God I'm in trouble :( What do I do? There's no way out of this and I'm so doomed. God, did I have to write that article with the horrible things in it?! :(



I may never come back... Only God knows what's to happen to me :( Why do I always cause myself these problems... Only this one is really too much. Nothing could get worse! :( God what did I cause my family.... my friends..... :(



This is me saying goodbye. Please .... whoever's reading this... I need your prayers that things would be okay and I would find my way out of this huge trouble :(........ I need your prayers!







OKAAAAAAAAAAY

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

I.....a..m.....k..i..d..d..i..n..g..!..!..!




I'm going to Oman with my family to visit this place called "Al Jabal Al Akhdar" (The green mountain) and we're going to have fun and as we say "En'3ayyer Jaw" ;)



Well, my mother forced me to go with them. I didn't wanna go because we're going with my YOUNGER SIBLINGS (in other words: Annoying people) ...But at the same time heeeey I love Oman so much... I've visited it about two times before... but a long time ago. I have never been to Al Jabal Al Akhdar, though. So yup I DOOOOO want to go. Wished Moh'd was with us though. The dumb idiot is having a blast in CHINA!



Anyway.... so I'm going and you guys take care. Enjoy your time with whatever it is you enjoy doing whenever it is you enjoy doing it whatever way you enjoy that! :P



Ciao amigos...

PS: Yes, I'll miss you.... maybe.... hmmm.... ok I will ;)


-- Canc3rian

Just a thought

Here’s something I remembered and spent a couple of moments thinking about. Quite a while ago, I went to the beach with two of my friends – “ReeZ” and “S.MaD”. We enjoyed the breeze that came along with every wave, we talked about everything we did and plan to yet do, we laughed, we danced, we jogged, we raced, we drew on the sands (yes, like everyone, we tried to draw the lady with the biggest boobs, but unlike everybody else we tried to build a snowman out of sand… ) But again, like everyone, we laughed constantly and we did a lot of crazy things only close friends would bother doing together. We were really just being ourselves. We floated freely with the waves letting them carry us to meet no particular end. We shunned every jellyfish we found. There were probably a billion jellyfish swimming with us… and freaking us out!

Later, I went for a walk and I walked alone. Sometimes I like to be left alone. I just walked and breathed in the fresh breeze and I saw that to my left there was an old lady at the shore sitting looking tired and lazy. I felt her eyes following me as I walked along the shore in my extra bright orange mini-shorts and my long wavy hair that danced with the breeze. To my right, there was a young lady swimming with her baby who looked no older that six months. If I were to guess her age I’d say she’s 25. It was just too obvious that it’s her first baby and they looked amazing together.

A thought crossed my mind just right then. To the old lady observing me, I was her dream of youth and health. I was her long lost spirit of ambition and her very own self esteem. Yet, to the lady playing joyfully with her baby at the shore, I was but a sign that she’s blossomed into her golden age of maturity and complete independence as she settled with her life and formed her own family. So, to me, she was what I am to yet reach. And to her, I was what she has gladly and successfully left behind and made through.

So I walked along the shore feeling like I separated two different worlds and two different themes of dreams. There are things in life… very simple things in life… that amuse you. Their significance could be so profound most of the time. Will I one day become like that young mother with the beautiful baby and later become that old woman wishing I was who I am right now again? Such things just pull the triggers of an endless river of thoughts. You never know what tomorrow hides for you… if tomorrow comes that is!

ATC

Okay, today I’ll talk about something I kind of got myself addicted to. Thanks to Aref and Issa ( S,Mad’s cousins). Issa and Aref are crazy about planes and Issa is soon to become Mr. Real Pilot ha-ha. Sara and I were, as I sometimes say “online-ing” (msn), with friends and then Sara gave me a link and told me to check it out. It was a map! She told me to click on Kuwait. I was like ok… maybe there’s something going on in Kuwait and she wants me to see. I clicked on “listen – feed” and all of a sudden my iTunes played real and live ATC! Isn’t that cool?

ATC = Air Traffic Control


You can call us all crazy but walla it’s addictive!

This is the link:

http://www.liveatc.net/feedmap/feedmap.html


You can listen to different countries in different regions. Dubai’s tower doesn’t work online so Kuwait is the closest to us that’s why we’re listening to Kuwait’s tower. We’re enjoying the conversations between the controllers and pilots.

We were so high last night and we got so excited each time we heard them announce the landing or take off of a plane.
We also got excited each time they said “Emirates… good morning”

Ya3ni you can say we’re literally 3aysheen el “jaw” loool

Shoo ensawwy? Malal w mashay la sha’3la w la mash’3ala… fa we’re not to be blamed if we’re acting like weirdos!

So anyway just I thought it would be interesting to share this with you guys!

Jealousy Vs Motivation

People are like mirrors to each other. One never unleashes their potential until they start to appreciate it well. But they only learn what it is worth when they see others with the same potential. Only then does a pulse run through the veins of creativity evoking motivation and urging one to desire success… to take that one extra step further. Yes, that is us: humans! We have this jealousy inside us. We get the thrills of competition into reaching triumph. Sometimes for ourselves, sometimes to prove a point, sometimes to hurt someone and sometimes it is plain curiosity and experimentation. It’s funny how this jealousy goes under the umbrella of “motivation”. It’s so fascinating how such an emotion that is viewed as the evoker of negative intentions, could lead to the open road of massive success. Funny how people know just well enough how jealous they are but never would they ever admit it. Not even a hint of self-confrontation!

This isn’t the jealousy between lovers or siblings… This jealousy is of another flavor. No harm in it… nobody hurt… only more productive efforts and countless inventions of methods to reach to the top. Everybody feels it… but nobody admits it. It’s just like fear, love, anxiety, nervousness, happiness or sadness…etc. It’s a normal sensation that all humans get every now and then. And as mentioned before, people are like mirrors to each other. You know you have a certain potential and you work on improving it. But, you work even harder when you see someone with the same potential. It becomes as though this person reflected to you what you got and shoves into your face the indication that you have nothing special until you prove you can do more than that… until you break the record.

This is one of the things I always come to realize about the people around me. Life is a marathon! Time has no check point. It doesn’t stop at any station… we run this marathon trying to win time and trying to prove that we have more and are capable of breaking every record in history… and you know what’s our fuel? It’s that jealousy feeling. I hate how people look at it as jealousy. I’d rather call it motivation… or competition.

WohoO Cancer!

Here’s a pic I came across while surfing the net. It has most of the characteristics of a Cancerian. The symbol of Cancer (the star sign, not the disease :S) is the crab and that’s because it’s aquatic. It says:

Tenacious – Yes, I can be stubborn!
Intuitive – agree
Perceptive – agree
Protective – yup!
Supportive – I really must agree
Helpful – I hope!
Encouraging – I hope!
Home loving – SUPER BIG TIME!
Dependable – I hope!
Caring and Kind – YES I AM! Ha-ha
Devoted – I must agree
*Imaginative* - Extremely!! (with a hint of drama)
Sensitive – But people hardly ever see this in me
Compassionate – STRONGLY AGREE
Self-reliant – at least I try my best
Nicer than everyone else – FACT!! =P

hehe, well I just thought it would be cute to share this here. Now you all know the reasons behind my nickname <3

Back to LIFE!!

My last post unfortunately was about the depression phase I went through due to some problems I faced with my health. My tummy was invaded by enzymes that burned the insides of my stomach which eventually had a great negative psychological effect on me.

So, I spent a couple of days outside Dubai and headed to the eastern emirates where my grandmother lives. I thought since it’s very peaceful it would be a positive change of my surroundings. Gradually, I felt refreshed and stronger and I even forgot all about the pain that was all in my head and my imagination. “Weswas” is the word. Such a messed up thing because I was never the person to get paranoid at all.

The first thing I did as I reached that area was that I visited the graveyard where my grandfather was buried in last March – this year. It was very sad. I was with Moh’d and one of my cousins. I stood there and in my heart I recited “Al Fat7a” and then I started talking to my grandfather – may Allah have mercy on his soul. He’s dead but I know he could hear me somehow. I told him:


"I know I may have never spoken out to you about my love for you but I loved you and will always do. I may have been this quiet mysterious person but I was always by your side in the hospital and I have always thought of you in my prayers when you suffered that damned disease. I respected you and looked up to you like you were a crown we should all wear. You’re gone but and I want you to know that I’m becoming a better Muslim everyday to meet you one day in a lovely place"

I then passed by where my two uncles were buried years and years ago. I never met them for they passed away before I was even born. I’ve always wondered what it would have been like should they have lived longer. One of them passed away in the US. He was a 24-year-old IT student. My other uncle died very young when he was only 11. He was only a child and died of a very rare yet serious disease.

Well, it was my first time to ever be in a graveyard but it felt good visiting and talking to my grandfather.

Anyway… let me continue with updating you with my life. Today we had a lovely family gathering where we had seafood for lunch and lovely stories were shared between us all.

Moh’d el ‘3abi missed it!

Some of my very close friends traveled and I miss them already.

I drove around ‘Khorfakan’ with my two cousins and my mother. It was fun.

I’m heading back to my beloved Dubai this evening.

I will continue my Body Combat sessions with Sara M. and will go to the beach to float and swim. I’m so happy there are less jellyfish now. Hehe

I’m going to get around thousands of boxes of chocolate from all my friends because as usual I FORCED them to get me chocolate ha-ha. Yes, I’m a very chocoholic person.

I’m back to being noisy and all crazy and hyper =D

PS: Dear fellow bloggers, your comments to my previous post have been so sweet and full of sugar. Thanks, I really appreciate it. Love you all.