Body Combat

This summer, just like every summer, I plan to do different things that would be of a nice change in my life. I look for something that would be new, useful, interesting and DIFFERENT. Usually, my plans remain un-acted words or just thoughts on hold! Yeah… yeah… this is me! But this summer I aimed and planned with a stronger willpower! As a result, I did not only apply for a summer job and actually started working, in fact, I have planned and decided to go to BODY COMBAT sessions at the Dubai Ladies Club along with my friend S.MAD.

S.MAD and I have similar interests and similar tastes in what we like and what we hate to do. We are always ready to try something new as we live the “ why not?” theory. So, I am working at Summer Planet and in August I intend to also change my job and work at a travel agency… one which my mother knows very well. It would be interesting and really beneficial.

So let me tell you about this BODY COMBAT. It is the new, different, interesting and useful thing that would spice up my summer. It’s a martial art with loud techno hip hop music. “it is the empowering cardio workout where you are totally unleashed”, is what most people would say about body combat. Anyway, Recently I have been attending the sessions and the more I go the more I get attached to it. The last time I did something like that was two years ago. So, guess what? I looked like a fool when I attended the first session. S.MAD on the other hand, is already well skilled at catching and keeping up with the rhythm of it all. *She does Taekwondo*.

Even though it's hard to get my muscles used to the pain of all the kicking, all the punching, all the jumping and attacking and dancing with the music, deep inside I just know that it's not only fun but also very good for my body. Enough of the laziness and the "potato couch" life !!! Time to add "LIFE" to my life!

PUNCH RIGHT...PUNCH LEFT...PUNCH RIGHT ...RIGHT.... KICK LEFT... "YAAAAAAA"......... KICK LEFT ...KICK RIGHT... PUNCH LEFT... AGAIN LEFT... LOWER RIGHT "HAYYYYYYYYY"! ...... hehehe

21 Candles Today

A while ago, as one of my friends turned 21 I freaked out knowing that I would be next. 21 to me seemed like a big number. It’s not that we’re growing and getting older… no! That’s neither the case nor the issue. It just freaks me out how years seem to flash themselves so quickly before our eyes. It feels like only two days ago I celebrated my 7th birthday. Yet, somehow, it feels like any moment tomorrow I’ll be blowing my THIRTY candles… so soon. See what I mean? And I still find myself asking “When did all this happen?”

Speaking of my seventh birthday, I still remember that day very well. My mother got me a cake and got me a couple of those candles that never seem to EVER go out! I mean no matter how much I tried to blow and blow and blow, they would just be there shining brighter than ever. I then realized that they just wanted to laugh at me. So mean, yet sweet.

Days passed by and continued to pass as my life got filled with incidents and lessons…

Ten years later…

On my 17th birthday I remember I was lonely… my friends were all around me but I was going through a phase of confusion. Something very weird was going on in my head and mind. Believe it or not, I don’t know what was wrong but something inside me was aggressively rejecting every passing thought and idea!

My 18th birthday was peaceful. Things were extremely smooth and I was filled with hope, light, and pleasure. Things were in perfect balance and shape… everything! There were struggles here and there and sometimes things went extremely wrong urging me to do things I would never think of doing today. But after all, this is what growing up is all about. Oh yeah, I got my driving license too.

My 19th birthday was amazing. But wait till it got to its end. At the end of my 19th year, I found myself face to face with the consequences of every rule I secretly broke and every command I courageously fooled. It was the slap of reality that woke me up. Also, something very bitter happened opening with it the doors to a dark life. For months and months, when I thought life was perfect and amazing, I never realized how horrible it was until the end… until my 20th birthday approached! I decided that I hate my life and even more than anything I hated myself.

My 20th birthday… what can I say. It was interesting, I must say, and I felt like an adult. I felt that I have literally changed inside and out. It wasn’t the creation of what I wanted to be, it was the occurrence of what I MUST be… what I SHOULD be… what I’m SUPPOSED to be. Actually, I found myself automatically living my age. I became very logical in how I interacted with people. I started building my own territory drawing red lines where they should be, between me and the people around me (Because you see, not everyone is your friend and some people will never know how to appreciate you. Thus, not everyone is worthy of your respect). Things went into some sort of a logical balance. My interests became different, my intentions became more pure, my ambitions went higher, my aims were now beyond the stars and my relationships with everyone around me became more stabilized and most importantly: My mother and I no longer have aggressive misunderstandings. In fact, today we’re like best friends.

As my 21st birthday (today: 27th June) began to get closer and closer, I also noticed that in addition to all the positive changes that happened to me when turning 20, I today became more responsible in my actions and I stand on solider grounds. Also, losing my grandfather played a role in forming a new shape of faith and eventually what happened is: this improvement in my faith made me even more confident and added to my pride. Yes, it’s all about pride! In a world like ours, if you fail to feel proud then you no longer play a role, you no longer perfectly fit or exist. At least, that’s my opinion.

So today, I will be having 21 candles and as much as I was freaked out I must say that now I feel excited and so strongly encouraged… to continue living with pride, to run after my ambitions and make my dreams come true.

On my 21st birthday, if there is one wish within my heart I would just wish for my friends and family to be as blissful and close as they are today. Besides my family, my friends are the true warmth in my life for they make me smile, laugh, keep me safe and still they share my sorrow and wipe away my tears. I would name them one by one but they do know themselves so very well.

To all my friends, my birthday wish is to ROOOOOOOOOOOCK THE CITYYYYYYYYYYYY WILLLLLLLDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD with our AMAZING vim and vigor ;) and the 21 candles I blow today are dedicated to all of you.

Note to self: 21 ain’t old! 21 is elegant. (22 is “CHIC” though LOL)

Trepidation

Let me talk about this weird trepidation and apprehendion I’m feeling lately. I’ve applied blindly for a summer job which I’ve been told is good. Usually people would get summer jobs at banks, companies, institutes or somewhere like that. But this summer job I got was at a summer camp that has been made up, apparently, by a group of people who know each other very well and organized/planned everything amongst them and themselves. Yes, this made me feel uncomfortable around them TODAY as I attended my first meeting with them. If you ask me, I’d say they weren’t as welcoming as I expected. However, my boss seemed nice… but still.

At first, they gave me a job description which sounded perfect and terrific… I gave them my “yes”. Then… one month passed and so the time came when I should go for an actual interview where I would be given all the required details and where I would meet my boss. Guess what? I came back with a face that looked more of a question mark. Just so you know, my neighbor is also having the same job and we were going together and will be working together. So yeah we were both shocked but what got to me is that SHE wasn’t as shocked as I was. She wasn’t even disappointed. Is she serious? I wonder!

So, now that I have confirmed my commitment, it would not look good to suddenly cancel and reject the job offer. They already relied on me. I guess it’s not an offer anymore as much as an obligation and a responsibility. What on earth made me go for a summer job like this? I wanted anything to put in my CV and even though the pay is very good, money is not an issue that’s why I am disappointed. It's because I wanted something that I would enjoyingly spend my time doing while gaining experience. There is no gained experience in this job as it’s not what I applied for. I’m really angry at this “we’re-not-so-clear-and-not-straightforward” act they gave me – so amateurish and unprofessional of them to do.

Still, here’s what I decided to do. I decided to stand up on my own feet and be responsible. Who knows, I might actually learn something from this experience. And who knows, maybe this harsh position I’m put in today, makes me stronger when facing my yet-to-come obstacles “sponsored” by “life”. To accept difficult times only reloads my energy and builds up my character reshaping the “Super Me” :P

After all, I’m a cancerian… an emotionally secretly-sensitive person! I have a hard “shell” that gives the impression that I am proudly strong, but wait to see my real weakness beneath it all. So yes, I decided to step up and give my self a lesson in life by accepting such an uncomfortable job. Call me crazy but if NOT while young and healthy, when else will I ever start TRYING life’s different stages and flavors.

Back to the here and now: Tomorrow I shall start working officially. I don’t know what’s waiting for me and it’s making me really nervous.

The only thing that’s keeping me calm now is the fact that my neighbor is going to be with me as my assistant wherever I go and whatever I do. Plus, like I said she’s my neighbor – not a stranger! ANY familiar face comforts me in a weird crowd even if this familiar face isn’t a friend and even if this familiar face is not someone you can rely on. Yes… *hint*.

Last Day...

Yesterday was the last day of university and the beginning of the summer holiday. I hated how class went and for some reason something bugged me. So, I ended up having the worst mood ever. I still had 15 minutes before I left university.

I decided to go to Dr. Su’s office and say goodbye. She will be leaving us for good now. So I went there and we chit-chatted for a few minutes and that’s when she told me she was glad to know I won a Noor Ali Rashid photography award. I told her “No, I was one of the participants but I didn’t win. I didn’t even attend the event because something came up even though I made sure I got the invitation via Aramex”. “Are you sure you didn’t win, honey? Isn’t that your name here?” she asked surprised. I saw the names of the winners on the screen and to my shock my name was among the top three winners of the video category. It was weird that nobody even emailed to inform me. “I will have to go and talk to David”, I said! David is my Video Production teacher and is honestly one of the most respectful teachers I came across in my life.

I then went to David Burns’ office. It’s always a pleasure talking to him. He congratulated me and told me to go to Andrea for she has my award. “Go get from Andrea… but just a sec, let me see if she hadn’t sold it yet!” he said sarcastically.

So, yeah… it was a nice closure to this very long academic year.

Later that day… my friends and I went out for a nice light meal to chill out and peacefully spend time knowing that we have no more assignments to worry about or any more work to do! So… we went to Emi Mall and walked around, shopped a little and then met my friend whom I haven’t seen in ages and whom I really miss soooooooooo much. It has been really great. So, then, my friends and I sat at Piazza and had some Italian food. However, the best thing was dessert: Chocolate Crêpe + Chocolate Fondant. Yummy in the tummy as they say!

Then, I walked my other friends to their car where they gave me the invitation cards to some other friend and when I went back to my school friends they saw the card… One of them said “Oh my God. Your friend’s husband to be is my mom’s cousin!” So yeah… can the world get any SMALLER??

Well, what’s better than a peaceful evening spent with special friends who are closer to you than your soul…

P.S: I wanna go to the beach.

Before the Dawn

"Maybe tonight, we'll fly so far away

We'll be lost before the dawn... "

-- Evanescence

This shot has been taken in Al Warga where our new house is being built. It was last winter and it had just rained.

The Irony of Dandelions

Dandelion… Is it just me or does dandelion occupy a special spot in everybody’s heart? Everybody grows up to remember how they once upon a time found dandelions here and there, collected them and started to blow them one after the other.
I remember when I was very little; I would go to this semi-alley thing outside our house and would find dandelion there in a corner. I would then take in my hand… hold it right in front of my lips and very gently blow them away. What’s the secret there, why did it make us smile? We were too young to actually realize the irony it carried with it.
When we were little all we did is see the brightest side of everything. We never saw otherwise. *Knock knock*… here we grow to learn that there are different faces and different sides to people, to objects, to acts, and to incidents, as well. Days are just as funny… or must I say: Just as ironic! One day you’re happy… the other you’re not. Then, you realize your happiness was nothing but your ignorance of what’s to become of your life…
But life goes on… and time starts running as clocks keep ticking. Just like how dandelion gets blown away and gets lost in the wind in a split second, we lose things in our lives…. Just like that!
Life is a lesson; you learn it when you’re through… and man will NEVER know what he has till it’s long lost and gone… This is the irony I’ve come to see in dandelion. Still, it will always be special to me.

Evoked Meditations

I have realized along the years that there is so much that I still carry but as I grow older I learn to keep everything in my heart and let go of clinging so much. In a world like ours, a cancerian like me finds their memories as the most precious thing to their heart. And so I start going back in time through my thoughts and memories… … …

I was sensitive and silent but I used to notice things and speechlessly analyze them in my head. I saw how people dealt with others and saw how actions and reactions took shape. Between me and myself, I still do! Maybe that’s why I feel evoked by certain gestures… and maybe that’s why these memories, I can never let go of. They are meaningless to the whole world, but meaningful to me… and not even I know why.

Yet, I find myself guessing that it could be because my life went through changes rather more dramatically than I could handle. Or it could simply be the habit of every Cancerian. So far, all the cancerians I’ve known have the same characteristics as mine. We all tend to remember and reflect… we all tend to cling to very simple crazes that make up this pensive attach we get. We get so emotional; no wonder we are attached strongly to music and melodies; the instruments and tunes talk to our wistful souls.

Andrea Del Boca is evocative to me. That voice which brings to mind a thousand sensations all at once, takes me back to 1999. Jerks me back to that ‘Compaq’ in our old house’s (pink house) office where I sat for hours each day listening to “Te Amo”. I mean it; I listened for hours and hours. I can no longer find this song. I used to listen to “El Amor” as well. Luckily, I still have that same record with me. But Andrea Del Boca is no where to be found each time I start searching.

Sweet Potato… The smell of hot sweet potatoes makes me close my eyes and take in the deepest breath ever. I don’t only breathe in the air or the scent, I actually breathe in a universe of memories and images into my heart. I remember the winter of 1996. I can still see Gina walking in through that glass door, walking up the stairs putting the dish on the table. I would be lying on the floor of the living room with my eyes focused on the big TV screen either watching a movie or a game show. I would then hear Gina call me to eat. Yes, it was winter… it was cold and she would soothe us with the hot sweet potato slices dipped in sugar syrup. Still, I was a child with no worries and no cares whatsoever.

The summer of 1997, I remember I wore a blue jacket and spent hours at night in the garden of our house talking to Gina, sometimes to Rebecca… My parents were mostly out. I remember they had certain issues to deal with and often came late. They would suddenly leave the house and head to my grandfather’s house because they heard something about his health or so. I can still feel and feel the breeze of those nights making my hair dance in the air carrying to us different whispers and carrying away with it our own whispers and words.

I remember, one winter, I used to like to ride the bicycle up and down the streets of our neighborhood. I was in 6th grade… maybe 5th. But anyway, it is the smell of the rain that I go back to when remembering all this.

Still, the smell of cherry wood carries my emotions towards our second house in Mirdif. The first thing I smelt as I set my first steps into the house was the scent of cherry wood. This was more than a year ago. It felt awkward leaving the pink house to move into this one. also the smell of the swimming pool filled the corridors of that house. At that time, I was missing the smell of the lemon tree mixed with the humidity of Mirdif in our first house, the pink house! I also still hear the sound of the water hose between the little basil bushes of the garden. This basil scent took over the entire house inside and out. I remember how purple this flower was. I can almost still see and hear birds that never left our roof! I miss the noisy airplanes that flew over our house every five minutes. When we were kids, my brothers and I used to play outside and each time we heard a plane approaching we would quickly guess what flag it had on it.

It attacks me when I least expect it; this feeling of missing, of longing, of reflecting and wondering of what it used to feel like, yes, this feeling of nostalgia seems to know how to get the best of me. All these things I start seeing, smelling, and hearing, seem to haunt me all over again. I either end up with a broken smile or with tears on both my cheeks. … This and there is a billion other ruminations I still haven’t spoken of. So, yes, I’m not the right person to deal with ‘change’, but still, I try.

Where did they go?

I find myself asking...

Where did all these years go? Where did the child “me” die? When did it all happen? I can swear that it all feels like a dream that just slipped away through the fingers of our hands… Just like the sands of time.

I am soon to become 21 years old. I was 6 years old only yesterday when I was sobbing sadly and silently behind my room’s door. Nobody knew why and nobody ever found me. I never wanted people to see me cry. Only I knew that I was sobbing because my eldest brother was teasing me over something I can’t remember now. I then shared my pain and complained to my other brother who’s only one year older than I am.

Both of us always shared childish adventures, risked everything and secretly broke a thousand rules everyday. What cares did we have? what worries kept us up all night? Nothing… it was simply childhood.

Time… Days really run and the years seem to run even faster. It was only yesterday when I walked into a room and saw something that attracted my eyes evoking my innocent childish curiosity. I walked towards a square peace of hard paper that looked very unusually shiny and smooth. I put my entire palm on it in attempt to grab it to look at it closely and check out what it could exactly be. Soon enough I was crying out of fear trying to get it off my hand… but it was perfectly stuck to my skin now. Yes, it was glue to capture rats and mice! Innocent childhood…! *Yes, this is when I learnt that curiosity DID kill the cat*

All those blameless days of naïve-ness and spotlessness of actions and dreams are today long gone. To me, they were days of weakness and discomfort for I was completely lost whenever without my mother or brother and whenever not home. I was a child who feared the whole world and trusted nobody but her own mother and her mother’s shadow! Such a cancerian character! In my head I always thought and acted in terms of my mother’s rules. I was no older than 7 or 8. Such a cancerian child I was.

I thought that chickenpox was the end of the world, I thought mosquito bites meant that I would die, I thought that when one of my eye lashes fell it meant I will soon end up losing all my hair, I totally believed that people on TV could see us watch them!

But no… seriously… when did all these years pass by? Years passed within a blink. Soon I became an independent individual… A grown up.