Trepidation

Let me talk about this weird trepidation and apprehendion I’m feeling lately. I’ve applied blindly for a summer job which I’ve been told is good. Usually people would get summer jobs at banks, companies, institutes or somewhere like that. But this summer job I got was at a summer camp that has been made up, apparently, by a group of people who know each other very well and organized/planned everything amongst them and themselves. Yes, this made me feel uncomfortable around them TODAY as I attended my first meeting with them. If you ask me, I’d say they weren’t as welcoming as I expected. However, my boss seemed nice… but still.

At first, they gave me a job description which sounded perfect and terrific… I gave them my “yes”. Then… one month passed and so the time came when I should go for an actual interview where I would be given all the required details and where I would meet my boss. Guess what? I came back with a face that looked more of a question mark. Just so you know, my neighbor is also having the same job and we were going together and will be working together. So yeah we were both shocked but what got to me is that SHE wasn’t as shocked as I was. She wasn’t even disappointed. Is she serious? I wonder!

So, now that I have confirmed my commitment, it would not look good to suddenly cancel and reject the job offer. They already relied on me. I guess it’s not an offer anymore as much as an obligation and a responsibility. What on earth made me go for a summer job like this? I wanted anything to put in my CV and even though the pay is very good, money is not an issue that’s why I am disappointed. It's because I wanted something that I would enjoyingly spend my time doing while gaining experience. There is no gained experience in this job as it’s not what I applied for. I’m really angry at this “we’re-not-so-clear-and-not-straightforward” act they gave me – so amateurish and unprofessional of them to do.

Still, here’s what I decided to do. I decided to stand up on my own feet and be responsible. Who knows, I might actually learn something from this experience. And who knows, maybe this harsh position I’m put in today, makes me stronger when facing my yet-to-come obstacles “sponsored” by “life”. To accept difficult times only reloads my energy and builds up my character reshaping the “Super Me” :P

After all, I’m a cancerian… an emotionally secretly-sensitive person! I have a hard “shell” that gives the impression that I am proudly strong, but wait to see my real weakness beneath it all. So yes, I decided to step up and give my self a lesson in life by accepting such an uncomfortable job. Call me crazy but if NOT while young and healthy, when else will I ever start TRYING life’s different stages and flavors.

Back to the here and now: Tomorrow I shall start working officially. I don’t know what’s waiting for me and it’s making me really nervous.

The only thing that’s keeping me calm now is the fact that my neighbor is going to be with me as my assistant wherever I go and whatever I do. Plus, like I said she’s my neighbor – not a stranger! ANY familiar face comforts me in a weird crowd even if this familiar face isn’t a friend and even if this familiar face is not someone you can rely on. Yes… *hint*.