Anna Bessonova

Anna Bessonova, one of my favorite gymnasts ever. She has a million magical performances. However, the one performance that, in my opinion, was the most enchanting is her entry in the Olympics 2004.
I remember I was in a hotel room deadly bored and freezing. Keeping myself warm under the cozy blanket I was watching the gymnastics back in 2004 and that’s when her turn came and I got so excited. Not only was I happy to see her perform but the song she chose is one of my favorite, as well. I mean come on, who doesn’t madly love “My All” by Mariah Carey.

Here’s the video for you to enjoy…

And oh, in 2005 she also performed for the Swan Lake Gala and I don’t think I need to talk about how amazing that piece of music is…. Let alone Bessonova’s marvelous performance.

This video is from the Swan Lake Gala:

Decision Making

Here’s how I look at it: To decide is to double click on a subject and just get into it, whereas to be reluctant is to right-click on it and rove around the options.

Yes, decision-making is not easy at all. But it doesn’t have to be a pain. A good decision-maker is not one who never makes a false decision. Not at all! A good decision maker is one who knows how to “never regret” their actions. Yet, most importantly they should “never show” their disappointment with their very own decision. People never know what tomorrow holds, and likewise, they never know what’s behind each and every door.

So, decision-making is like gambling of some sort, but is it? Not completely and here’s why:

Not all decisions are yours to make. Wherever you are and whatever you believe in, be you a child, an adult, a Muslim, a Jew, a teacher, an athlete, an actor, a writer or a dancer; there will always be a set of either or both written or non-written rules to which we all abide. If you’re smart, you would take a daring step approaching your goal through a decision you make which abides to the written and unwritten rules. But at the same time your decision has to smash all the other decisions around it and speaking from a marketing perspective, that’s the way to success and that’s the route leading to exclusivity.

Here is a smarter thought: Can you function in such way that complements and supplements others’ functions but still be so exclusive in your own frame of uniqueness?

So are all decisions directly yours to make? No! But can they indirectly be totally yours? Well, Let’s just say that your capability of completely being in control over the stirring wheels really depends on how smart you can be in driving.

If you were a sailboat.

I'm in love with this song.

Katie Melua is in deed amazing. All her songs are classy and deeply meaningful.

As to this song, something about the lyrics is just so special and intriguing.

XX enjoy XX

First Impression Vs Facade

For every person you meet for the first time, there is that first impression that carves itself into your mind. That, we all agree on! Now, very seldom do we ever think of what could happen once this impression changes. You see, this is when enemies become friends or when lovers strip their hearts and souls off all the emotions they once shared with their lovers. Yup, that’s when they put on the flags of indifference above their front doors!

Some wounds are of pleasure. Others are of real hurt and pain. It evokes pleasure when your emotions unexpectedly crash into satisfaction and glee after having been tricked into thinking otherwise. When two lovers tease each other this happens. If “he” teases “her” and tests her jealousy he’s hurting her at first (of course she doesn’t know he’s testing her). She gets angry and swears never to talk to him. Never to trust him. Never to even be nice. However, as soon as the masks of tricking and testing and teasing are taken off, they then drown into a deeper ocean of emotions before they even know it. This extra dose that fills you up after a particular struggle is “pleasure”. In a sense, it combines joy with appreciation.

However, real pain is built up and pinned into the very core of your heart when you feel so vulnerable and incapable of overcoming the “Emotion Attack”. This pain is the result of your reaction to the vast confusion in which you’re locked up. Over doing it is just not smart. You’re not necessarily victimizing nor are you victimized, but the circumstances were just put together to hurt you.

All these turbulences, they reshape that first impression you thought you hated or loved. And yet, we, as humans, cannot help but carve that first impression in our minds over and over again. Somehow, we then miss how things were… Worst of all, we miss how things could have been should nothing wrong had ever happened. But again, we wonder what could have happened should particular truths were unrevealed.

Yes, the first impression is what you remember first about a person. But sometimes, when it comes to particular people, that first impression could totally vanish. That person you met at first is not necessarily always the image you carry in your head. That image sometimes melts into the shape of a painful memory. Especially… if the first impression was perfect. Well, sometimes “perfect” is nothing but a façade covering a pile of crap. (sorry).

To ICE

This goes out to ICE.

Speaking for myself and also on behalf of the “GANG”:

I hope your stay in Dubai has been pleasant. I hope, as friends and family, we have been great to you and made you feel at home and most importantly, I hope all the memories you carry with you are unforgettably amazing.

This visit of yours in particular was different, thus making it hard for us to say goodbye. THE GANG and I will miss you so much… in fact, we are all missing you already.

You have always been a friend but I must say this friendship grew stronger with time. Like I said, now that you are in Bahrain and as you head back to France, you should always know that you have special friends in Dubai who will always be there for you in times of joy and sorrow.

Remember Los Angeles, M0re, Galler, “vogue” :P and all the fun we all had as a gang.
Remember the Indian dance me and Moe performed on that mountain?! Haha
Remember how you ordered chocolate Crepe for your SISTER the last time we all went to the movies?
Remember Pompidou
Remember “She’s too sexy”
Remember “those who must be tickled”
Remember “Miss 3aib”

Memories…

Oh well… They were good days.

Anyway… We are all waiting to hear “THE” amazing news. Best of luck.

Seriously… goodbyes are horrible.

I need a break

Okay...

Eid was not very bad... In fact it was alright.

Anyway let Eid aside... I am now dealing with something very weird... and I don't know where it's taking me. I hope things well...

So now...

I will be away for a while...

so

BrB... :)

... للحياة لذات

OK it's been a while since I wrote in Arabic. So here's my new post... and don't make fun of my Arabic or my philosophy.

للحياة لذة لا يعرفها إلا من عاشها رحّالُ... فينكسر مع انكسارها و مع اعتلاءها يعلُ... هو يأخذ من ماضيه منافعه و كلّ خيرٍ محتمَلُ، ويسري كما الليل فيبدو الليل مرتجَلُ، ولمراده يسعى ولمراده يعملُ، فينسى المستحيل و يعيش واقعه المجمَلُ، كيف له الوصول إن لم يحتمل؟ من أين و إلى أين؟ و إلى متى سيظلُ يسألُ! واليوم عرف للحياة لذتها، فأدرك أن الوقت هو فيها مركبٌ و محمَلُ! يمضي فنمضي معه و تختلف اللذة مع أمواجه، كذلك يأتي درسٌ متسلسلُ

إن للحياة لذة لا يعرفها إلا من ذاق من الحياة مراًّ و حلا! و إن ذاق من المرارة أمر كثير فلن يزد في الحياة إلا مذاقاً. و ما المذاق إلا مزيج مشاعرنا التي وعلى مر الأزمنة قد أمست ذكرياتٌ
و كم من دمع انهمر عند التقاء المشاعر بالذكرى. و كم من حكاية قد ولدت بين الدمعة و الاخرى. كم من بسمة خلدت و كم من جفن قد سهرَ. كم من ضمير قد صحى و كم من عقل اعتبرَ من أسئلة قد أجيبت و من خافٍ قد ظهرا. هذي الحياة كما ألفيناها... و قد قالها من اختصرا: ليس الفخر في حياة قد مضت أو في تاريخ اندثرا... بل في حياة نعيشها و في زمن قد حضرا

Dejame Vivir

Also, amazing lyrics. There is more than just what the word means... there are metaphores and hidden codes. What you percieve is not necessarily like what I might perceive...

This one's called "Dejame Vivir" (Let me live)... But they don't just want to live... they want to live their way!

Libre como el aire (Free... just like the wind)

Oh well... this is me.. addicted to music. All sorts of music.

Je te souhaite

One of my fav Natacha St Pier songs.

I LOVE the lyrics.

Enjoy...

Back in 2004...

It’s year 2004 and I’m a freshman going to one of Dubai’s universities. My morning class just finished and here I am in the crowded corridor trying to decide whether to spend my lunch hour with these new people I got to know from class, or to check on my best friends from school and see if they’re free. My best friends and I all ended up in the same university and I must say it’s one of the best things that ever happened in my life. So, here I stand reaching for my cell phone and called “Reez”. She was in class. Then, I called “S.KhJ”… didn’t pick up. Okay, there were more people on mind whom I could have called. Yes, I was a freshman and I was lost. But I was very social and never found it hard to enjoy a meal with any of my classmates… even when there was nothing at all to talk about.


My very first days at university were like that. A bit of this, a bit of that… here and there. Meeting a new face everyday… meeting someone for the first time in ten years… witnessing the existence of weird “BOYAT” [=lesbians] and trying to observe and understand their mentality… and so on. So, the university was just another gate into one of this life’s castles where you meet a whole new set of people who’s mentalities vary from impressive, to astonishing, to unbelievable, to semi-perfect and amazing, to disgusting…etc.


One day, I was sitting with one of the girls whom I got to know from one of my weird classes. I still remember which class; Colloquy 120! Haha


Suddenly this girl waved to another girl who walked towards us with a smile on her face. They laughed and talked and then my classmate introduced me to this girl. I said “hi” politely and we just talked about which high schools we went to and what classes we took here. It turned out that we went to the same school back in elementary. But we were in different divisions.


This girl’s name was “Mira”. Some people here know her as Dynamic Deeds. (Or..DEEDEE)
;)

I didn’t think we’d become close friends. Funny how DeeDee then became someone I planned “illegal” outings with, ditched classes with, shared some of the same sorrows with, even cried with, but best of all… shared endless laughs with.


2005 passed… 2006 passed… and now it’s 2007… almost 2008! And here’s what I discovered about DeeDee:


"Loyalty runs in her veins. Trustworthiness is her second name :P and “an amazing friend” is the precise definition of DeeDee"


And tomorrow DeeDee turns 21!


KEl 3AM W ENTI B5AiR … w 38BAL EL MELYOOOOOON ALF SINEH w el 3emer KILLLLEH INSHALLAAAA!


Wallah you’re not a friend… you’re a sister.. it always feels like home talking to you about anything no matter how funny, sad… or stupid.

OK, I ran out of words… but you know gadrech akbar min hal post el ‘3abi… seriously I mean it. Plus, ma ye7tay ashra7 l2anneh anything I might say would be only a repetition of things I already said to you before w inti adra bgadrech 3ndi ;) and I don’t care if what I said is cheesy… People can be cheesy once a year. hehe


PS: Sorry your gift will be late but that’s cuz there’s something that won’t be ready until after 3eed. I guess you know by now what it is :P… w maba a36eeech shay mob kamel…so…. Let me say it from now: Sorrrry 3al ta25eeeeer :P

Random Randomness

OK …

1. I don’t know if I did okay in my Psychology test. It’s not that it wasn’t clear but I must say the questions were tricky.
2. I can’t stop eating chocolate and God knows DEEDEE is the witness! (and in Ramadan the craziness starts after fo6oor)
3. It’s been quite a while since I talked to Debbie. It was good talking to her today. Just realized I’ve known her for five years yet it feels like just a year ago when we had our first conversation about El Salvador and Dubai! Wow…
4. I still can’t believe M7amad shaved his head… *and no he’s not trying to be Britney* LOL
5. I think “Weeds” is very interesting. *watching season 3 now*, but I can’t get enough of “Grey’s Anatomy”.
6. It’s been a year now since I moved to live at my grandma’s house and I must say it changed me… to the better.
7. Can’t decide on colors of paint, (or maybe wallpaper) for my new room (in the new house). Yeah I’ll move soon *inshAllah*.
8. A sense of nostalgia keeps hitting me every now and then and I must say it kills.
9. I’m slowly killing my horrible habit of procrastination.
10. I decided that I should take cooking seriously. I mean It’s about time that I learnt some cool dishes. Ya3ni 9edg ma anfa3 ana! LOL

This goes to S.Mad:

I’m happy you finally did that eye lasik surgery. I will soon join your club :P. I know I chickened out but it’s also because of my ICDL work. I thought I would be using the PC 24/7. But anyway, Gonzales is coming back in December ;) I’ll make sure my schedule is totally free! Hehe..
And HEY.. don’t you dare throw your glasses away. They served you well for years and years.

Cxu Vi Parolas Esperanton?!

In my side of the world, not many people know about Esperanto. Esperanto is a language that is constructed in around 1887 with the goal to create a “universal” second language. It’s a mixture of many different languages mostly Latin and European. If you speak French or Spanish or any of such languages then learning Esperanto would be a piece of cake!

I speak Spanish (although I believe my Spanish is rather grammatically jumbled up… and so is my poor French) and I speak English. As a result I’m learning Esperanto in no time :D. I’m always excited when it comes to learning languages. Of course I speak Arabic but Arabic is a totally different language haha.

In my opinion, although it is said that Esperanto is an international language that has been constructed to be the most common language for people to around the world, it just does not beat English. English always comes first in mind when two strangers meet, almost all the time and everywhere. Hmmm… makes you think huh…

So, I’m learning Esperanto and soon I will officially become your Emirati Esperantist :D

How many of you heard of this language anyway?

An EXCELLENT site to learn Esperanto is here. It is known world wide and it makes learning Esperanto a great experience. Through this site you can actually end tests and quizzes and get emailed back with comments and corrections from your online Esperanto teachers.

Jes, nun mi parolas Esperanton!
Gxis!!

Ps: Up there is the Esperanto flag. (in case you're wondering)

Women: Driving in Saudi

Only this year I realized that women are actually and REALY not allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia.

My comment is: WHY?

It’s not written in the Quran. A car is a vehicle… a means of transportation. Back in the days of our prophets and messengers, WOMEN rode horses (MEANS OF TRANSPORTATION!!!) and camels and even participated in wars and yes mixed with men whenever they were of any help. They taught people… men and women, they ran errands and it was a normal life.
What does “driving a car” have to do with religion? I drive a car am I b****? Am I a bad Muslim? Hmmm….. or wait, maybe it depends on how fast I drive!

Ok let’s look at it from a different angle. Driving is basically not different from walking. It’s just faster! So now a woman can’t WALK? *was about to laugh writing that sentence*

Ok I have lots and lots and lots to say I’ll just stop here… I really want to read comments and know people’s opinions and thoughts. Plus, I never discussed this with a Saudi… I am curious to know what they think of this matter.

Hmmm now I’m thinking, are they forbidding women to drive because of religious reasons or because of other social reasons?

(This post is not to offend any society, any nationality or anyone at all... I'm only speaking out my thoughts...)

Inexperienced Talk

People… they always talk. Talk, talk, talk and talk. Be it about science, be it about life, be it about entertainment, be it about religion or be it about other people including themselves. Moreover, they never stop talking about their thoughts of surrounds them or even their thoughts of other people’s thoughts. Yes, people talk and they speak out their minds in numerous ways that they don’t even know it. Even introverts have their special methods of out-speaking their minds and inner thoughts even when without using ‘words’.

Now the topics that people discuss aren’t of the same core, are they? Sometimes if the topic is something you haven’t personally experienced it is acceptable to give your general opinion with a slightness of inconsequentiality. Sometimes, the topic is something so profound that you just have to have experienced it to give your opinion – keeping in mind that the way through which you give your opinion is to be highly considered as it could imply more aggressiveness than you desire. Ugly, wouldn’t it be?

I know somebody who is a sex freak. This somebody hadn’t even been in bed with anyone and they talk about every detail insisting that it is the precise description to the situation they’re talking about. Even when discussing the matter with people who have had sex everyday in their life for years and years, this person would still put some philosophy and some theories mixed with their very own aggressive judgment. If the experienced person started to argue, this inexperience person would snap as if that person knows nothing. Wait, now didn’t you just say you have never had sex? How come you’re so sure? Yes some things are “duh” facts and some things go under the umbrella of what we call “our own views” or our own “opinions” but that doesn’t make us the masters of it until we actually get into the arena of living the process itself.

Question (and I really want an answer): Could someone become a MASTER of something when they didn't try it? can OBSERVATION itself make you illegable to become the only boss at something?

I have witnessed this discussion happen in front of me as I stayed quiet only wondering and thinking… how does this person talk about sex with all the confidence and certitude in the world? I could also tell that the other party was as shocked and as confused as I am. I personally didn’t take part in the discussion because first of all I didn’t try sex and second of all the details they were discussing weren’t what I would call an appropriate topic to be discussed openly in a huge group of people who weren’t all close to each other. But then again, people can discuss anything they want… who am I to stop them.

I am not against discussing any matter in the world. In fact, I would call it an intellectual talk when people discuss things to share knowledge with others no matter what the topic is about… yes even if it’s disgusting. But the key element here is “how” do you say it. Yes, I’m referring to appropriateness and suitability in speech. I would understand the absence of aptness of the discussion is among close friends.

But then, it all pushed me into thinking: If a person is not experienced in a particular thing, does it give them the right to force their own opinion insisting that they are right while also insisting that the experienced person is wrong?

I wouldn’t care if the topic was more scientific requiring facts and statistics, but when it is a topic that is of “feelings” how can you tell what people physically and emotionally feel doing a particular act when you yourself haven’t experienced it?

Ok, so this example was about sex because that’s the discussion this particular person usually discussed (I told you they are a sex freak). However, let’s forget that particular person I was talking about… in life, there are many people like that who talk with the same tone of aggressiveness in forcing their opinion ESPECIALLY about things they have not experienced.

So yes, people talk all the time. Be it about science, be it about life, be it about entertainment, be it about religion or be it about other people including themselves. But sometimes, some people just DON’T KNOW how to ‘perfect’ (verb) the art of “talk”.

"es2al mojarreb wala tes2al 6abeeb" I totally agreee with this proverb.
This person is a very intelligent one, one with a lot of information and sometimes could be someone whom you go to for consultation. But I believe that to “be there” is different than “hearing about it” and then talking like you “know it all”.

Back to Uni + Focus

What do you know? University started and I started attending my classes. Yup back to "that" routine now but hey at least it's my last year. My schedule was fine but as students we have to always mess things up when given the choice and opportunity. We're students and that's how we learn. So, I thought of dropping and adding some courses here and there as I tested some ideas in my head and imagined how things would turn up in the long run. I eventually reached this point of where I totally almost ruined my entire schedule. But no… I dragged my thoughts back to the "focus" I talked about in my May post.

Some of you may have already read it… some haven't. So here's how it went in case you're wondering what I'm talking about. But first… here's a list of the courses I enrolled myself in for this 20-week-semester:

- Strategic Planning in PR & Advertising
- Special Topics: Conferences
- Psychology in Everyday Life
- Tourism: Destination Promotions (only the first ten weeks)
- CIT (Independent Study)
- Organizational Communication (only the last ten weeks)

And I have Mondays and most Wednesdays off. My schedule is perfect again.

Anyway… here's the May post:

“Life is a journey” – Cliché, huh? Well although it’s true and although I totally believe in the concept of life being as bumpy and as constantly changing as a journey, I just think that probably it’s about time I’ve come to realize that life, the journey, should be dealt with just like a yoga class.

I remember when I took yoga classes in high school we found some positions hard to perform. Sometimes we couldn’t stand still. Other times, we fell. Well, one day when I was trying to focus on the “flamingo” position I could hardly stand on my foot stably for more than ten seconds. *Pssst, sometimes less!*. My instructor walked towards me and taught me a very simple technique and told me this will help me throughout all my life. I didn’t bother to even get what she meant or even care to even believe. Funny how she was right!

This yoga technique is: Whatever you do, you always lose balance if your eyes are freely wandering around, not focused on one object. When I tried focusing on the clock that was hanging on the wall (aah, I still remember the clock with its Quartz sign), I saw how it really worked... this so-called technique. I stood like a flamingo for more than ten seconds… more than twenty, more than a whole lot of minutes now…! I stood for as long as my muscles could hold my body still. I find it interesting how I suddenly decided to remember the words of this instructor.

But wait!

I'm not talking about yoga as much as I'm talking about life ---

In life, we also need similar techniques for we are really ignorant of what is to become within our coming days. Just like how in yoga you focus on one nonmoving object to stay in balance; as if creating an invisible force that gives stabilizing gravity; you should know what you want from life and stick to it, as well. Spend all the time you need and think of the path you’d choose to continue your "journey" and then “act it”. But act it willingly and as strongly as the force that comes from your eyes when doing yoga. This will lead to success. Not because you chose the right path but because the strength and stabilizing held you back from falling into puzzlement and profound ignorance... if you know what I mean.

However, I am not talking about success in the work field or success in academics nor am I talking about the success and triumph in business. I’m talking about your triumph in knowing what you want from life. I’m talking about “Do you know how to live without regrets? Even more important, do you know how to never create situations where you would eventually regret?”

This is when you sleep every night with a smile, when you wake up every morning with a blush of satisfaction, when you take in every breath without a rush. I never realized all these simple details that made me a happy person until they were gone. That’s when I realized I made a mistake somewhere in my life. I lost focus and I fell out of balance. Aaah, the technique. Focus must come back.

It is funny how this lesson was taught to me five years ago and I only came to realize it and believe in it today, rather than back then. What did I know back then? I knew much less than today. But certainly I grow to learn optimism… and optimism has a whole different story.

Some Things Stay

You travel life step by step. And step by step, you move from one stage to another. And from one stage to another, you sometimes change. Sometimes you remain who you are and watch your surroundings eventually and gradually change. But something always stays.

Traveling through life sometimes seems literal. I can swear that some things are just left behind as I moved forward. Just like time, there is no going back. Unlike roads, there is not a single U-turn in this path. But something really just stays with you.

It is not sad. It only brings your sense of wonder to life. Out of no where you encounter a reminder which acts as what pushes blood through the veins of your thoughts. It tells you that SOMETHING stays despite everything you leave behind. It reminds you…

I was playing my iTunes when suddenly an old song played in my ears. It took me back to some days of my life… a place I used to be in… some concerns that used to torture my mind… a feeling of bitterness and disorientation which used to cloud over me. Yup, we do grow… but our feelings stay. They don’t stay the same, but us humans will always have feelings as life is filled with reminders.

- I still remember that rainy day and my yellow rain coat when I was 12 years old.
- I still remember a lot of people who might have forgotten me by now.
- I still remember some summers ago when I spent a number of days at my grandma’s. I am here now, but time and change united and succeeded in making it feel different today than how it did back then. But I remember how it was, how it felt.
- I still remember the scent of the paint on the walls of my pink room.
- I still remember the smell of the cherry wood cabinets in Mirdif. Sometimes I would open them and sniff that scent as I closed my eyes. There was something about that smell.
- I still remember the scent of basil that took over the entire garden back there.
- I still remember him… (Allah yer7ama)
- I still remember how I took care of my younger siblings when my parents traveled. I used to stay by my little brother when he felt too afraid to sleep. Where are they now? They’re all taller than I am and they’re never around.
- I still remember how “she” was… it seems like as I grow, the more she goes back to being a teenager. I can’t believe her.
- I still remember the nights of Coca Cola Light and the chocolate coated popcorn boxes. They were the nights of the carefree minds – Staying up all night watching movies knowing that we’re young and tomorrow won’t steal our youth away. I still do that, and I’m still young. But something is different. I’m no longer in that place.
….

The list goes on… and it doesn’t sadden me, it only teaches me that life is this huge playground where people spend days and months and years experimenting and being experimented on until they’re intelligent enough to proudly say they learnt something from their life.

As look back and forth, I notice that one thing has remained amazingly the same. My father. He’s still the strong wise him. He’s still an inspiring person who has really lived a life with all what life could give. Both good and bad. He lived 5 years of his youth in Lebanon during the civil war and saw a lot of miseries and had his life put on the edge a number of times. He lost his very close brother in a tragic accident, also when he was young. I can’t imagine how sad this is because I myself am very close to my siblings. And when my grandfather passed away I was amazed and stunned by how strong my father was, yet his eyes spoke of the sadness he hid inside. I salute my dad for who he is and I’m very proud of him for I never saw him crash, never saw him break and never saw him give up… no matter what.

Something tells me he sees a lot of him in me. Oh wait, he told me that himself.

Lost & Found Folder!

I was really just looking in the closet for a shirt! Really! And that’s when I accidentally saw something blue. So I thought to myself… “Could it be…?”
Then I shook my head and thought “naah, can’t be. I looked everywhere for a very long time. I can’t just simply find it in my closet lying just like that”. Again I thought “How do you know, you lazy person? Just check, what is it that you’d lose?”
So, I looked and checked… what do you know? YES IT WAS THE FOLDER I WAS LOOKING FOR!! I so desperately looked for it because it carried very special things that I have cherished for years and years and thus are worth more than mines of gold!

There are different special things in this folder. Pics, notes we used to pass in class in high school…etc.
But here’s one of the things inside this folder. ;) My report card of when I was in 1st grade. I also have report cards of almost all stages of my school life but this one is just so special.

Here… check the picture and click on it for full view and see if you can read what the teachers wrote about me. I remember these teachers very well.

To suddenly, and out of no where, come face to face with such deep memory really makes it hard to hold back a never-fading smile. I smiled for a long time just staring at every word.

Memories… yes, memories are a cancerian’s weakness sometimes. I can hold on to memories and never let go. How could one live without their memories. To me, memories both good and bad are and will always be a vital element throughout my entire life. Why? Because it’s the memories that show me how well I did in life and how much achievements I have come across. True, sometimes they show me how I screwed up at some point. But should I mourn and drown in regret? Never! I shall smile knowing I came through it all as the wonderful person I am today. Yes, I am wonderful and I love me :P

CBOX: NOW OPEN @ CANC3RIAN's

Ok So I have a Cbox now... recently i've been thinking of having one but I've been so lazy and I keep pushing the thought away. yes out of laziness. Such a bad trait in me i must admit.

well.. FINALLY Palo Girl told me I should have one in my blog. So I told myself YEAH I SHOULD!! And Palo Girl was the CALL I had to hear.

LOL... thanks Palo ;)

So yalla people give me your MABROOOKs and start bugging me!! lol

Wanted in Oman

Hello friends, co-workers and fellow bloggers!



In a few hours I'll leave to Oman... The embassy called and asked that I must be there as soon as possible due to an article I have written online about Oman. It was a horrible article and God I'm in trouble :( What do I do? There's no way out of this and I'm so doomed. God, did I have to write that article with the horrible things in it?! :(



I may never come back... Only God knows what's to happen to me :( Why do I always cause myself these problems... Only this one is really too much. Nothing could get worse! :( God what did I cause my family.... my friends..... :(



This is me saying goodbye. Please .... whoever's reading this... I need your prayers that things would be okay and I would find my way out of this huge trouble :(........ I need your prayers!







OKAAAAAAAAAAY

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I.....a..m.....k..i..d..d..i..n..g..!..!..!




I'm going to Oman with my family to visit this place called "Al Jabal Al Akhdar" (The green mountain) and we're going to have fun and as we say "En'3ayyer Jaw" ;)



Well, my mother forced me to go with them. I didn't wanna go because we're going with my YOUNGER SIBLINGS (in other words: Annoying people) ...But at the same time heeeey I love Oman so much... I've visited it about two times before... but a long time ago. I have never been to Al Jabal Al Akhdar, though. So yup I DOOOOO want to go. Wished Moh'd was with us though. The dumb idiot is having a blast in CHINA!



Anyway.... so I'm going and you guys take care. Enjoy your time with whatever it is you enjoy doing whenever it is you enjoy doing it whatever way you enjoy that! :P



Ciao amigos...

PS: Yes, I'll miss you.... maybe.... hmmm.... ok I will ;)


-- Canc3rian

Just a thought

Here’s something I remembered and spent a couple of moments thinking about. Quite a while ago, I went to the beach with two of my friends – “ReeZ” and “S.MaD”. We enjoyed the breeze that came along with every wave, we talked about everything we did and plan to yet do, we laughed, we danced, we jogged, we raced, we drew on the sands (yes, like everyone, we tried to draw the lady with the biggest boobs, but unlike everybody else we tried to build a snowman out of sand… ) But again, like everyone, we laughed constantly and we did a lot of crazy things only close friends would bother doing together. We were really just being ourselves. We floated freely with the waves letting them carry us to meet no particular end. We shunned every jellyfish we found. There were probably a billion jellyfish swimming with us… and freaking us out!

Later, I went for a walk and I walked alone. Sometimes I like to be left alone. I just walked and breathed in the fresh breeze and I saw that to my left there was an old lady at the shore sitting looking tired and lazy. I felt her eyes following me as I walked along the shore in my extra bright orange mini-shorts and my long wavy hair that danced with the breeze. To my right, there was a young lady swimming with her baby who looked no older that six months. If I were to guess her age I’d say she’s 25. It was just too obvious that it’s her first baby and they looked amazing together.

A thought crossed my mind just right then. To the old lady observing me, I was her dream of youth and health. I was her long lost spirit of ambition and her very own self esteem. Yet, to the lady playing joyfully with her baby at the shore, I was but a sign that she’s blossomed into her golden age of maturity and complete independence as she settled with her life and formed her own family. So, to me, she was what I am to yet reach. And to her, I was what she has gladly and successfully left behind and made through.

So I walked along the shore feeling like I separated two different worlds and two different themes of dreams. There are things in life… very simple things in life… that amuse you. Their significance could be so profound most of the time. Will I one day become like that young mother with the beautiful baby and later become that old woman wishing I was who I am right now again? Such things just pull the triggers of an endless river of thoughts. You never know what tomorrow hides for you… if tomorrow comes that is!

ATC

Okay, today I’ll talk about something I kind of got myself addicted to. Thanks to Aref and Issa ( S,Mad’s cousins). Issa and Aref are crazy about planes and Issa is soon to become Mr. Real Pilot ha-ha. Sara and I were, as I sometimes say “online-ing” (msn), with friends and then Sara gave me a link and told me to check it out. It was a map! She told me to click on Kuwait. I was like ok… maybe there’s something going on in Kuwait and she wants me to see. I clicked on “listen – feed” and all of a sudden my iTunes played real and live ATC! Isn’t that cool?

ATC = Air Traffic Control


You can call us all crazy but walla it’s addictive!

This is the link:

http://www.liveatc.net/feedmap/feedmap.html


You can listen to different countries in different regions. Dubai’s tower doesn’t work online so Kuwait is the closest to us that’s why we’re listening to Kuwait’s tower. We’re enjoying the conversations between the controllers and pilots.

We were so high last night and we got so excited each time we heard them announce the landing or take off of a plane.
We also got excited each time they said “Emirates… good morning”

Ya3ni you can say we’re literally 3aysheen el “jaw” loool

Shoo ensawwy? Malal w mashay la sha’3la w la mash’3ala… fa we’re not to be blamed if we’re acting like weirdos!

So anyway just I thought it would be interesting to share this with you guys!

Jealousy Vs Motivation

People are like mirrors to each other. One never unleashes their potential until they start to appreciate it well. But they only learn what it is worth when they see others with the same potential. Only then does a pulse run through the veins of creativity evoking motivation and urging one to desire success… to take that one extra step further. Yes, that is us: humans! We have this jealousy inside us. We get the thrills of competition into reaching triumph. Sometimes for ourselves, sometimes to prove a point, sometimes to hurt someone and sometimes it is plain curiosity and experimentation. It’s funny how this jealousy goes under the umbrella of “motivation”. It’s so fascinating how such an emotion that is viewed as the evoker of negative intentions, could lead to the open road of massive success. Funny how people know just well enough how jealous they are but never would they ever admit it. Not even a hint of self-confrontation!

This isn’t the jealousy between lovers or siblings… This jealousy is of another flavor. No harm in it… nobody hurt… only more productive efforts and countless inventions of methods to reach to the top. Everybody feels it… but nobody admits it. It’s just like fear, love, anxiety, nervousness, happiness or sadness…etc. It’s a normal sensation that all humans get every now and then. And as mentioned before, people are like mirrors to each other. You know you have a certain potential and you work on improving it. But, you work even harder when you see someone with the same potential. It becomes as though this person reflected to you what you got and shoves into your face the indication that you have nothing special until you prove you can do more than that… until you break the record.

This is one of the things I always come to realize about the people around me. Life is a marathon! Time has no check point. It doesn’t stop at any station… we run this marathon trying to win time and trying to prove that we have more and are capable of breaking every record in history… and you know what’s our fuel? It’s that jealousy feeling. I hate how people look at it as jealousy. I’d rather call it motivation… or competition.

WohoO Cancer!

Here’s a pic I came across while surfing the net. It has most of the characteristics of a Cancerian. The symbol of Cancer (the star sign, not the disease :S) is the crab and that’s because it’s aquatic. It says:

Tenacious – Yes, I can be stubborn!
Intuitive – agree
Perceptive – agree
Protective – yup!
Supportive – I really must agree
Helpful – I hope!
Encouraging – I hope!
Home loving – SUPER BIG TIME!
Dependable – I hope!
Caring and Kind – YES I AM! Ha-ha
Devoted – I must agree
*Imaginative* - Extremely!! (with a hint of drama)
Sensitive – But people hardly ever see this in me
Compassionate – STRONGLY AGREE
Self-reliant – at least I try my best
Nicer than everyone else – FACT!! =P

hehe, well I just thought it would be cute to share this here. Now you all know the reasons behind my nickname <3

Back to LIFE!!

My last post unfortunately was about the depression phase I went through due to some problems I faced with my health. My tummy was invaded by enzymes that burned the insides of my stomach which eventually had a great negative psychological effect on me.

So, I spent a couple of days outside Dubai and headed to the eastern emirates where my grandmother lives. I thought since it’s very peaceful it would be a positive change of my surroundings. Gradually, I felt refreshed and stronger and I even forgot all about the pain that was all in my head and my imagination. “Weswas” is the word. Such a messed up thing because I was never the person to get paranoid at all.

The first thing I did as I reached that area was that I visited the graveyard where my grandfather was buried in last March – this year. It was very sad. I was with Moh’d and one of my cousins. I stood there and in my heart I recited “Al Fat7a” and then I started talking to my grandfather – may Allah have mercy on his soul. He’s dead but I know he could hear me somehow. I told him:


"I know I may have never spoken out to you about my love for you but I loved you and will always do. I may have been this quiet mysterious person but I was always by your side in the hospital and I have always thought of you in my prayers when you suffered that damned disease. I respected you and looked up to you like you were a crown we should all wear. You’re gone but and I want you to know that I’m becoming a better Muslim everyday to meet you one day in a lovely place"

I then passed by where my two uncles were buried years and years ago. I never met them for they passed away before I was even born. I’ve always wondered what it would have been like should they have lived longer. One of them passed away in the US. He was a 24-year-old IT student. My other uncle died very young when he was only 11. He was only a child and died of a very rare yet serious disease.

Well, it was my first time to ever be in a graveyard but it felt good visiting and talking to my grandfather.

Anyway… let me continue with updating you with my life. Today we had a lovely family gathering where we had seafood for lunch and lovely stories were shared between us all.

Moh’d el ‘3abi missed it!

Some of my very close friends traveled and I miss them already.

I drove around ‘Khorfakan’ with my two cousins and my mother. It was fun.

I’m heading back to my beloved Dubai this evening.

I will continue my Body Combat sessions with Sara M. and will go to the beach to float and swim. I’m so happy there are less jellyfish now. Hehe

I’m going to get around thousands of boxes of chocolate from all my friends because as usual I FORCED them to get me chocolate ha-ha. Yes, I’m a very chocoholic person.

I’m back to being noisy and all crazy and hyper =D

PS: Dear fellow bloggers, your comments to my previous post have been so sweet and full of sugar. Thanks, I really appreciate it. Love you all.

Devastated

Lately my health hasn’t been quite what I have expected it to be. I thought I’m healthier, I thought I ate better, I thought I was getting stronger and I thought the enzymes in my tummy were giving me a break as I avoided citrus fruits as much as possible. The last time I had serious pain because of the enzymes was because my tummy was usually empty. It shocked me at the moment and I told the doctor that I think I'm eating more than enough. She said I have more enzymes in my body than I should, thus the acids burn the food immediately and they burn the insides of my tummy if I don't eat a light meal every two hours.

Everything was perfectly fine for a while. Apple juice started to play a role in my life instead of the usual orange juice… and instead of my favorite refreshing mint lemonade. Sometimes, I have no idea what goes wrong but the pain starts killing me again. It feels as though an elephant is resting on my chest preventing me from breathing. At some point it feels as though a fire is set to burn my intestines and the very insides of the walls of my tummy. No lungful of air seemed to carry enough oxygen to get over the pain.

I am feeling it now. It is devastating… Yes, it’s not a serious disease, thank God, and yes it’s not fatal, thank God, and yes there are worse cases, may God help them. Nevertheless, what I feel is affecting me rather psychologically.

The last two days have been hell for me. I don’t remember I ever easily cried in front of my mother, let alone crying on her shoulders. Last night I literally cried on her shoulders and hugged her as I told her how I felt weak. In other words my message to her was: Mom, I need you. It was hard for me to let all these emotions out. It's just not me to do so.

Funny how no matter how much you think you’ve grown up, you still feel this need. I know I said 'funny', but I just know it’s totally normal.

It was about 2:00 in the morning and she was asleep. My call woke her up and she came to me when I insisted she comes because I had something serious to talk to her about. Yes, something very serious just hit my realization and I finally came to see how dangerous it could be and so I told my mother. It bothered me so much, even more than the acids in my tummy itself. It made my tummy problem get worse and hence got to me psychologically.

Today… I went to the hospital. The doctor checked on me entirely with and without clothes. I never felt like I needed someone’s help and I never felt so openly close to my mother.

You know when you panic you really say things you never think you’d say. When I was crying earlier at night, and I was crying like a child, I told my mother that I love her more than any of my siblings do, that I feel sad each time she’s in pain and that I cry when she gets sick...etc. I hugged her so tight when she was just so shocked that all these words came out of my mouth. I’m known for being the person who never speaks of/about their emotions. She told me she’ll call a doctor in the morning for both my tummy and my other problem that’s been torturing my thoughts for a while.

Back to what the doctor had to finally say… she gave me good and bad news. Both of which I don’t want to speak of. Everything is just fine but I just need some time until it all sinks in my head and until I really get over the trauma of it all.

So… I’m psychologically very devastated and in need to change my surroundings. I’m moving to my grandma’s house. It’s an hour and a half drive. I’m taking a good book, a collection of good movies and there I will spend quality time reading, watching TV and movies and going to the beach. I will leave my phone behind, if not switched off. Something in me is just not well.

Well, I’ll be away for about a week or more. See you all…. Take care and enjoy your time.

P.S: Yes, I’ll miss everyone. And I’ll miss blogging…

Yours; Canc3riaN

As a Child

As a child, I was afraid of everyone.

As a child, I hated makeup. (I love it now lol)

As a child, I was more of a tomboy.

As a child, I secretly wanted to become a detective.

As a child, I truly felt that nobody could see who I really am inside.

As a child, I was the skinniest girl in school.

As a child, I was an ultimately quiet person.

As a child, I only trusted Moh’d. (he's probably reading this now)

As a child, I was my mother’s shadow feeling weak without her around.

As a child, I never opened up to people and I still don’t easily.

As a child, I was always on alarm thinking that I am somehow watched by someone or something.

As a child, I was locked up in the world of my own imagination.

As a child, I often, by mistake, overheard a lot of adults’ conversations and kept things to myself.

As a child, I always linked what people did in different times and places and quietly did the math in my head to conclude their evil/good intentions.

As a child, I never shared my thoughts – especially with my mother.

As a child, I was attached to our home and no place in the whole world was more peaceful.

As a child, I often tried tricking the guy on TV and changed where I was sitting just to see if his eyes would go somewhere else. Of course that was dumb. (stop laughing)

As a child, I often imagined myself on a huge stage acting like a famous celebrity of something. Oh my God, all this was in my head!

As a child, I had one of the best handwritings in class.

As a child, I had a crush on a senior when I was only in 2nd grade. What was I thinking. Wait, I was only a child!

As a child, I was into art. What happened?

As a child, I thought my dad was a super hero. (he still is my hero and my inspiration).

As a child, I was innocent. Such a strong word.

As a child, I often tried to impress the older boys by playing football with them in the field. Again, what THE HELL was I thinking? Yet again, I was only a child.

As a child, I often tried to read people’s minds. Also, I remember I would try to imagine what lied under that face, that skin… yes skeletons and skulls. Hmm don’t ask why.

As a child, I was never myself around my mother. Now, we’re like close friends.

As a child, I used to look for dandelions and gently blew them in the air.

As a child, I was thrilled about ‘rounders’ – a sport we played in school with Ms. Ursula. I miss her. I wonder what happened to her.

As a child, I wished I had a sister. I regret that. She’s sitting next to me now!

As a child, I used to sleep-talk and sometimes sleep-walk. I still sleep-talk, though.

As a child, I thought “what if our life was a sitcom that God watches… just like how we watch series and sitcoms too”.

As a child, I thought all countries and all nationalities stood together and loved each other. Lovely innocent thought huh?!


But you know what?

As a child, who thought I would be writing all this in something called a BLOG?

Surely there’s much more of things I used to do or be as a child. But that’s all I can think of for now.

From 1:00 to 4:00 AM

Just like everybody else in this world… just like everyone around us… just like anyone we see whether we know them or not, we have issues. We have problems and things we think we have no solutions to. Yet, we keep digging and walking in circles trying to find a way, not the easy way out, but the best way out!

From 1:00 to 4:00 Am… when people like me are supposed to be sleeping and resting and dreaming of tomorrow, I instead stay up all night and drown in my own thoughts, worries, memories, manifestations, dreams. Every thought seems to build up a step for the thought coming after.

Those steps keep going higher and higher and finally I start to reach the top. Suddenly, I trip and everything I built falls, like my tears, and collapses, like myself. I end up crying myself to sleep. Sometimes, I don’t sleep at all. At other times, though, I get a grip and smile totally convinced that tomorrow I will have a laugh looking back at my days/nights of confusion.



It’s been a while since I cried now. I’m becoming tougher and tougher by the second. I like that. It’s what I longed to be…! Yet, my heart still beats out receptive weeps of softness.



Although my achievements aren’t much, I still consider them lovely steps that make me proud. Although people might think I haven’t yet seen the world I feel like I lived a thousand lives. The number of years you lived is nothing in comparison to the simple incidents that taught you what one could never have learnt in a life time. Yes, I learnt lessons and lessons and lessons… I could write a book. Only my ink would be my tears and my inspiration would be my pride. My wounds, however, would be my manuscript.



Yes, from 1:00 to 4:00 Am, the world could be sleeping but still I am breathing with eyes wide open a nonstop-flow of memories, of reviews and of meditations. Nothing broke me and nothing will. Many painful incidents hurt me so much but only proved to me that my faith is strongly deep in God, in fate, in tomorrow and in those who love me.



Loved? Yes, by so many people I could even lose count of. I have friends who would do anything for me. I have parents who cherish me. I have siblings who miss me when I’m gone and come to me with stories to tell and laughs to share.



How can life be so perfect and yet so dull? Or is it just my “inability to sleep” speaking with anger now?



Okay now the sun is up… Good morning and sweet dreams to me!

What Made Me Play Again

Okay guys so here’s the thing about me and video games. I can barely remember when was the last time I actually held a joystick in my hand and really played a video game, let alone playing with enthusiasm! According to my memory, it’s been something like… okay I think I was in eighth grade when I last played.

Believe it or not, I used to love Need4Speed. I also loved Crash Bandicoot, it was like my favorite. Someone got us a game called “Pepsi Man” LOL, I remember kint al3ab eb’6emeeer! And Ohhhh… TEKKEN was something I loved! Very good when you’re angry. Yes yes I know it’s a guys’ game bas el a39ab mat3arf shoo bint w shoo walad LOL YOU JUST WANNA PUNCH AND HIT AND KILL.

Anyway so… for all these years I stopped playing and I lost every interest in even spending five minutes to play a dumb game to kill time. Play station…etc were just NOT something I would consider at any case.

Anyway… two weeks ago my brother got something that finally made me feel like “YALLA YALLA MY TURN GIVE ME THE JOYSTICK” hahaha… it’s:

“Nintendo Wii”

Seriously, when you hold the joystick and play like you’re really in the game THAT’s WHAT I CALL “3aysheen el door” ! and that’s what Nintendo Wii does. My arms actually hurt for two days after having played TENNIS and BOXING! LOL.

But again… It only got my attention for one week. I’m back to “I don’t care about video games”. LOL Cuz seriously I'm the type of person who couldn't care less about these games. I'm all about music and magazines and surfing the net and spending hours on the phone or in front of the TV!

But BRAVO to Nintendo Wii as it MADE ME GRAB A JOYSTICK again (for only a week though) LOL.

PS: I still have to go try S.Mad’s Play Station 3. Haha

Pranks!

Yes yes, you know what I’m talking about! That evil hustle… the filthy plan… the wicked intention… the ACT of making a fool out of your friend causing their face to go red and purple from the embarrassment and sometimes humiliation while your face goes blue because of the lack of oxygen when you’ve laughed so hard in their face! And what do we call it? “Just a prank!” – with the most innocent expressions on our faces. LOL

Yes, I was that evil back in school… very evil. It’s a gift from God to be able to act so REALISTICALLY! I can prank any person in the whole world, but the only person I failed to beat is my own mother! She knows me inside out (mwah)! She and I are like friends and she knows me too well to fall for my pranks!

So anyway, that was back in high school. I almost forgot all about the word “prank” when university life started. I got so busy and my life became so crowded, if you know what I mean. But now… ta-daaaaa!! Here I come again! BACK TO MY PRANKING SPIRIT! Hehe…

3ad a7la shay when you prank a dumb person or a person who is so naïve. I discovered recently that Gabriello (my brother) is such an easy person to prank. He knows what I’m talking about!

GABY LET ME REMIND YOU: [ “%$#%&@$% Says: Hey Moe... ana ReeZ!]

S.Mad: YOU ARE THE BEST SUPPORT!!

W la ba3ad it’s summer now so more and more pranks to come and take place! ;)

Hehehe…

Yalla let’s all share our pranking experiences… and feel free to express your anger if you’ve ever been pranked so badly! =P

More Than What it Seems!

I have gladly reached a point in my life where I believe I do have an idea of what life really is behind the scenes. It is amazing what I have got to know and it does not surprise me to also know that there is even more to yet encounter. Throughout my years which I have spent in this journey of “life” I have learnt a great deal of lessons. However, the most precious lesson I learnt is how to open my eyes properly and see with my eyes, heart, and brain at the same time. I see using my eyes and get the image fixed in my head then my brain tells me more than just the colors and shapes I see… it tells me what’s really in it for me. Finally, I also see with my heart which then indicates the feelings that my brain has interpreted. This is how we should see everything around us from people to nature to still life and to life itself.

Yes, your eyes are not all you have to be sighted for I have learnt that blind people can actually see around them, too. What we see is not necessarily what it seems from the outside and judging through stereotypes is definitely not how we should see those we interact with everyday or even those we meet for the first time. I can see now that not every Mexican plays guitar, not every Muslim prays five times a day, not every person follows a religion, parents don’t have all the answers, not all doctors understand pain, friends don’t have to be identical in their beliefs, home is not just shelter and furniture, you are loved but you are also hated, a language is not just words said differently as each language carries an entire culture inside it… and the list goes on and on.

With all that’s been said, having learnt all that, I must say I also learnt that feelings are an “easy come, easy go” type of thing. Depression is only temporary… a surprise is only felt for a moment… sadness can camp over your life but it leaves you alone afterwards. Happiness comes and entertains you from time to time (hopefully most of the time). So, feelings come in the shape of a cycle. Every feeling is seasoned with a special sensation. But once again, optimism and satisfaction are what I carry along with me these days throughout the different seasons of my emotions.

P.S: Image shot by "DOROO" --> http://doroo.deviantart.com/

An Interesting Spanish Proverb

“Cada cabeza es un mundo” – This Spanish saying that immediately and very deeply caught my attention had automatically been placed among my top beliefs. I remember how outranged my hunger was to not only learn but also find ways to learn more about the language and culture. This saying which literally means “Every head is a world” can be seen in many different ways really. But ever since I was introduced to this magnificent proverb, which is 4 years ago, I tend to believe in it deeper and deeper with each minute that passes by. It’s funny how these simple five words when put together had really enchanted me into thinking wisely and more openly with friends, family, colleagues, and even strangers.

The sense of anatomy and comparison permanently camped in through my head. Not anatomizing to see the right and wrong, the black and white, the ups and downs, but in fact, this anatomization came with a whole different intention: To see how diverse and varied this universe is.

Let’s think of ourselves. My head has its own universal, systematical strategies in terms of how to function and to what directions interpretations should go. Such particular thoughts give me such amazement and urge you to praise God. Humans are after all the most complex creatures. Yes… each head is a world… and you know what is funny here? The circular shape of the head is truly taking the shape of, as they say: MUNDO (=World)! And it seems as though it’s keeping your system and functions locked up in a secret office. Just like the skeletons people hide in their own closets, each head has a world of its own that is well hidden inside ones thoughts and heart. Yes my friends…cada cabeza es “definitely” un mundo!