Some Things Stay

You travel life step by step. And step by step, you move from one stage to another. And from one stage to another, you sometimes change. Sometimes you remain who you are and watch your surroundings eventually and gradually change. But something always stays.

Traveling through life sometimes seems literal. I can swear that some things are just left behind as I moved forward. Just like time, there is no going back. Unlike roads, there is not a single U-turn in this path. But something really just stays with you.

It is not sad. It only brings your sense of wonder to life. Out of no where you encounter a reminder which acts as what pushes blood through the veins of your thoughts. It tells you that SOMETHING stays despite everything you leave behind. It reminds you…

I was playing my iTunes when suddenly an old song played in my ears. It took me back to some days of my life… a place I used to be in… some concerns that used to torture my mind… a feeling of bitterness and disorientation which used to cloud over me. Yup, we do grow… but our feelings stay. They don’t stay the same, but us humans will always have feelings as life is filled with reminders.

- I still remember that rainy day and my yellow rain coat when I was 12 years old.
- I still remember a lot of people who might have forgotten me by now.
- I still remember some summers ago when I spent a number of days at my grandma’s. I am here now, but time and change united and succeeded in making it feel different today than how it did back then. But I remember how it was, how it felt.
- I still remember the scent of the paint on the walls of my pink room.
- I still remember the smell of the cherry wood cabinets in Mirdif. Sometimes I would open them and sniff that scent as I closed my eyes. There was something about that smell.
- I still remember the scent of basil that took over the entire garden back there.
- I still remember him… (Allah yer7ama)
- I still remember how I took care of my younger siblings when my parents traveled. I used to stay by my little brother when he felt too afraid to sleep. Where are they now? They’re all taller than I am and they’re never around.
- I still remember how “she” was… it seems like as I grow, the more she goes back to being a teenager. I can’t believe her.
- I still remember the nights of Coca Cola Light and the chocolate coated popcorn boxes. They were the nights of the carefree minds – Staying up all night watching movies knowing that we’re young and tomorrow won’t steal our youth away. I still do that, and I’m still young. But something is different. I’m no longer in that place.
….

The list goes on… and it doesn’t sadden me, it only teaches me that life is this huge playground where people spend days and months and years experimenting and being experimented on until they’re intelligent enough to proudly say they learnt something from their life.

As look back and forth, I notice that one thing has remained amazingly the same. My father. He’s still the strong wise him. He’s still an inspiring person who has really lived a life with all what life could give. Both good and bad. He lived 5 years of his youth in Lebanon during the civil war and saw a lot of miseries and had his life put on the edge a number of times. He lost his very close brother in a tragic accident, also when he was young. I can’t imagine how sad this is because I myself am very close to my siblings. And when my grandfather passed away I was amazed and stunned by how strong my father was, yet his eyes spoke of the sadness he hid inside. I salute my dad for who he is and I’m very proud of him for I never saw him crash, never saw him break and never saw him give up… no matter what.

Something tells me he sees a lot of him in me. Oh wait, he told me that himself.